Friday, August 29, 2014

38 and 39 Week Check-up

My 38 week appointment was so fast, it was almost a blur. After doing the usual pee in a cup, weight check, BP check, and whatnot, I saw Dr. Tweedt, whom I love, and she checked Emery's HR (155) and measured (38 and some change). She remarked that all looked well and was right on target, and we again, were so grateful. 
She then checked my cervix and said it was closed and tight and there was no dilation. I think she expected me to freak and become irritated that he wasn't in position, ready to go - she told me to be patient, go to the movies, go out to eat; it could be late 39 weeks/early 40, or afterwards, before he makes his debut! I told her, I wasn't concerned, that little man would come when he and the Lord were good and ready for him to! She smiled, agreed, and with that, was out the door!

38 weeks and counting :) 
My 39 week appointment was the following Thursday, yesterday, and it went really well! I actually saw Dr. DuBose, whom I had not yet seen at any point this far. She was super nice and extremely bubbly - my kind of lady. My urine, weight, and BP checked out, again, very nicely, and my measurement (39 and some change) and Emery's BP (145) were on target. She then checked my cervix, and once again...nothing. Closed, high, and no dilation.

She was just about to send me on my way when I told her I had a few questions. Although I know that I should not, I unfortunately have a really bad habit of listening to others and allowing myself to take their comments to heart. I expressed to her that a few people had hit me up with the whole, "Goodness! I think you're going to have a big ole' baby - a 10 pounder for sure!" and that when I tried to just let it go, I could not. I explained to her that this thought was getting to me, and while I know a C-Section is very routine and normal, it was not my desire if I could have a say-so in the matter. I would really like to give birth vaginally, and with my size and thinking about others comments, I had begun to worry about this (which is so wrong on my part, and for future reference, while I am not saying this to be in any way mean, at all, you just never know what feelings/worries/anxieties/emotions are going through a soon-to-be mother (especially a first timer's) mind, so just be cautious and gracious in what you say and how you share excitement for the coming arrival of sweet baby). 

She immediately responded with a couple of very good points. 1 - a growing baby is a healthy baby. Something no one should ever "worry" about. 2 - I am short. She joked did everyone want Emery to grow in my big toe!?!? Short waisted mama's babies have nowhere to go but OUT. 3 - she said that if I wanted to do an ultrasound that we most certainly could because she too, was just curious. 
Have I mentioned how much I LOVE these doctors at Piedmont?!??!

So I saw the ultrasound tech and she very sweetly and quickly did some measuring, and predicted a nice, healthy 8lb 4oz baby boy! However, she did remark that these are just estimations, and what that really means, is that he could be anywhere between the wide range of 7.2 to 9.4, which is exactly what I had been thinking in my gut the whole time: that there is no way to know, prior to birth, how much sweet, baby boy would weigh. She ended that we could expect him to more than likely weigh in the high 7's to the low 8's. 
After we finished up, I saw Dr. DuBose once more so she could take a look at the ultrasound, and she was pleased with what she saw. She reassured me that everything looked great, my placenta was still doing it's job, my fluids were awesome, and that we could not have a healthier baby on our hands! This mama was very thankful, and once again, reminded by God to just trust

39 weeks and counting :) 

Latest update:
Weight gain: 20+ lbs.    

Sleep: What's sleep!?!??!! 

GenderB-O-Y, BOY!!! 

NameEmery Anthony Edens!!! A blog post with the name explanation is still waiting in the wings....

Feeling: Tired. The days I do nothing but lay around and sleep, I feel my best. Uncomfortable. I have still had some stretching/growing pains across the mid-section of my stomach which is just plain painful. 

Cravings: Nothing. My acid reflux is still as bad, if not worse than it's ever been, and activated by literally everything but ice water, so I am so hesitant to eat for fear of the pain. It stinks.  

Health: Continuing to be blessed with such wonderful visits with the doctor and such a great, typical, healthy pregnancy. I am so thankful. 

Movement: Rolling, punching, moving constantly. I am particularly sore on the upper, right side of my belly from what I predict, after yesterday's ultrasound, is a little, fat tummy. :) 

My due date is this Monday, September 1st/Labor Day, and my next appointment is Wednesday, September 3rd - Dr. DuBose said that if Emery has not made his arrival by then, we'll have a normal check-up and discuss the possibility of induction! Could be ANY day now folks, so we. shall. see!!! :) :) 

So many of you have been so sweet and have given us so much encouragement throughout our entire pregnancy, especially here at the end. All the comments, texts, calls, messages, and conversations have been exactly what we needed during this very exciting, but uncertain time due to the newness of it. We have had so many tell us in the last couple of weeks that you are praying for us and for our labor and delivery and I, personally, cannot tell you how much that means to me - all of the love and kind words in addition to the prayers. Thank you SO much. We are so blessed with such wonderful family and friends who love us, and Emery, so very much! 

Keep the prayers coming because I know my God already has this whole thing planned out and we will praise Him for the journey and the miracle! 

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

36 and 37 Week Check-Up

Doubling up on updates again because, well, I'm that pregnant, and since I am now going every week....
Both visits went REALLY well!! 

I was able to see my actual doctor for my 36 week visit and was given the Group B Strep (GBS) test and she also asked if I wanted my cervix checked...well, duh!! Ha!! I told her please do, as long as she didn't get anything started :) 
She checked, and to answer so many's question, the result: "Oh he's still up there, and you are tight and thick! It'll be a couple more weeks!" 
So that's the doctor's verdict on that for now. She also introduced me to the term, "wimpy white boy" syndrome and said that they really like for boys to stay in until at least 39 weeks due to the development of the lungs. I had never heard of this before, but apparently, it's pretty common. The doctor also said that she expects me to deliver either a few days before our due date or on the actual due date, unless of course my water were to break. 
The doctor measured me; we were right on target, and then not only did she check Emery's heartbeat - which was a nice 155 bpm - but she also used the newest and coolest doppler to do so that actually has a handheld screen attached to show an ultrasound - it. was. awesome. So basically, while she did her GBS test, she gelled my belly up and let me slide the doppler all around while I checked out my precious, baby boy via the screen.
Did I mention how much I LOVED Dr. Keller?!!?

For my 37 week visit, it was short and to the point. I didn't pass my GBS test, which apparently is not uncommon and means nothing, except that they will have to give me an antibiotic during labor to prevent it from passing on to Emery. Supposedly, half of us test positive and there is nothing we can do to prevent it. 
We went over my chart, which, I am very thankful to say, that the doctor remarked, "Lindsey, you're perfect on paper - these stats over your pregnancy could not be any better!" I cannot thank the Lord enough for such grace during these past 9 months and for such great health for myself and Emery. He also remarked that my hemoglobin was some of the best he had ever seen (13.1). I think he was a bit impressed and all I could do was give thanks and praise to my Father! 
He measured me - again, right on target - and then we did the doppler and his heartbeat was again, very strong. We talked a bit about some pain that I had been having in my butt and pelvis, which he prescribed as swelling, and then I was on my way! 
Again, 2 more great visits with the best OB-GYN in the upstate! 

36 head of Romaine lettuce. 

Latest update:
Weight gain: 20+ lbs.    

Sleep: Continued back pain and having some MAJOR edema in my butt and pelvis, so...sleep is rough, if even happening.  

GenderB-O-Y, BOY!!! 

NameEmery Anthony Edens!!! A blog post with the name explanation is still waiting in the wings....

Feeling: Aside from the butt and back pain and the stretching in my stomach from his continued growth, really good!

Cravings: Still nothing; HOWEVER, I have noticed in the last 2 weeks that I. AM. STARVING. I cannot get full and just want to eat, all the time. 

Health: Doing well. Every appointment I have brings good news. I am so blessed with such wonderful visits with the doctor and such a great, typical, healthy pregnancy. I am so thankful. 

Movement: STILL...this boy never. stops. moving. I can tell he is getting pretty squished though because now I mainly just feel rolls. Lots and lots of rolls! 

I was exactly 2 weeks from my due date as of yesterday, and I am 38 weeks today. Moving right along, my next appointment is this Thursday, August 21 for my weekly visit - a normal, routine visit, but I am told starting at this appointment, they will begin checking my cervix regularly. So we shall see what the update with that will be!  

I just want to say again, how overwhelmed I have been at how near perfect each visit has been in regards to mine and Emery's health. I have spent TOO much time in the early stages of my pregnancy fretting over worries that I should have simply given over to God, but, if you've ever been in this position, you can understand why we as women, and mothers-to-be, do so.
My goal in these last few weeks has been to instead take JOY with each passing moment - with every ache, every precious movement, every odd little pain, every sweet moment of anticipating his arrival. I will say that I have done better, and while my mind and heart will slip back into worry, in the last few weeks the Lord has helped me to redirect those thoughts to thoughts of praise for Him and all that He has blessed us with during these 9+ months in our sweet, baby boy already. 

This has been largely in part to the encouragement of my incredible husband, who knows the Lord did not create us for worry, but for joy and praise. To Jonathan, I am so grateful for his leadership in our home, and his love for the Lord to always better serve Him. 

One of the albums that is currently in my CD changer in my car, and that I listen to frequently, is "Beautiful Things" by the band Gungor. I am reminded of this constant need to give Him praise, no matter what, when I listen to their song Higher

Emery could make his debut any day now, but I would like for him to hold out until at least 39 please continue to lift our family up in prayer as THE most incredible day, whenever the Lord sees fit, arrives! 

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

32 and 34 Week Check-Up

I am combining my latest update since these last two visits were so similar and so quick. 

I was told prior to that at both of these appointments they would be super brief; pee in the cup, weight, blood pressure, doppler for heartbeat check, measure, and boom: done. This very much turned out to be the case...

...until they TOTALLY threw me at my 32 week appointment and I had to get my finger pricked for a routine hemaglobin check-up! Not at all this needle terrified mama's favorite surprise, at all. Ugh.

Other than that, the appointment went very well. Blood pressure was great, heartbeat was in the 130's and measurement was right on target at 32. I met with Dr. Tweedt for this visit, and we had the best conversation about how insensitive, full of advice, and unfortunately, just plain stupid others become when you become pregnant - it was the best conversation and exactly what I needed at that point. She's so awesome! 
After I finished with the doctor, I got my dreaded finger prick, and then headed home and took a nice, long, 3 hour nap. 

32 week selfie before my appointment
32 week fruit picture

For my 34 week appointment it was even less eventful. Jonathan was able to go with me to this one, and we saw Dr. Beck. Same ole, same ole; usual vital checks, blood pressure was good, heartbeat was 150's, and measurement was on target once again: 34 and 3 days. We then took some time to ask Dr. Beck some labor/weight/birthing questions to which she gave us the answer I had been thinking all along: it's far too early to tell at this point. So many have asked about Emery's weight, or if I really think I am going to make it another 6 weeks, and when I told her this, she just laughed. She said we have had a very typical pregnancy and unless something out of the ordinary happens, chances are most likely that he will come either a few days before September 1st or a few days after. 
Again, another great conversation with another great doctor at Piedmont. I love that place. 

34 week baby bump
After our appointment we had the wonderful opportunity to go visit a very dear, amazing friend of mine from college who is currently living in the hospital due to her water breaking at 22 weeks. I know. It's awful; however, the Lord has shown his power and evidence in her life in a MAJOR way in the last 4 weeks. She just made it to 26 weeks this past Sunday and she and her sweet baby Elise are defying all odds and the next goal is 28 weeks. Prayer is a powerful thing, and if you think about it, please pray for my friend and her sweet baby girl. 

So after 4 weeks, here is my latest update:
Weight gain: 20+ lbs. Continuing to steadily make the move up, but like I said, I feel the same everywhere else, just big in the belly :)   

Sleep: Ugh. Non-existent at this point. It's miserable. It's also my back. All my back. But totally worth it. 

GenderB-O-Y, BOY!!! 

NameEmery Anthony Edens!!! A blog post with the name explanation is still waiting in the wings....

Feeling: I guess I should be pretty thankful that I made it all the way to 34 weeks, with 6 weeks left, before I started to feel...blah. Yeah. That's it. I just feel blah. My feet just started to swell at week 34 (again, I should be thankful) consistently, but they look like sausages. I am SO tired pretty much all of the time, and then while my nesting period I believe has kicked in, my body cannot keep up. After about 20 minutes up moving/cleaning/organizing/working, my back feels like it is going to break in half. BUT...overall, I still am feeling decent. complaints. I am just so grateful for this pregnancy!

Cravings: Still nothing. As I said before, if anything, my pregnant diet is no different than my non-pregnant diet

Health: Doing well. Every appointment I have brings good news. Blood pressure is back on target, really good, and only had to be rechecked at those 2 visits. Again, I am so, so grateful! 

Movement: STILL...this boy never. stops. moving. I can tell he is getting pretty squished though because now I mainly just feel rolls. Lots and lots of rolls! 

I was 35 weeks yesterday (Tuesday), and my next appointment is next Thursday, August 7 for my 36 week visit - Group B Strep (GBS) vaginal culture. Oh goody. Ha! In addition, they will take a look at his position, and I am hoping enlighten me on maybe what they can tell as far as when to expect some things to begin happening. After this visit, I will begin going every week - which I am SO excited about!! 

In the meantime, please lift us up as we enter this VERY exciting, but VERY new and unfamiliar time in our pregnancy and lives. I am beginning to have some major anxiety about going into labor and giving birth, and I just want to let go and trust God. We appreciate your prayers SO very much, always! 

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Vision of Life 3D/4D Visit

The Friday following my 30 week appointment we made a visit to Vision of Life in Powdersville where we were able to see sweet Emery in 4D - seriously one of the coolest experiences in our pregnancy yet!

It was really special because we invited both sets of parents, as well as both of Jonathan's grandparents (mine are no longer living) to share such in this special, unique experience with us! 

No sooner had we started taking a peek at Emery, than sweet baby boy made a heart with his precious little hands for us!
Needless to say, the men in the room were quite proud of this shot! 

I cannot WAIT to kiss that sweet, precious, precious face! 

Little man had some big thighs! 

Cannot wait baby boy! 

The tech (who was absolutely adorable) showing us all what position Emery is currently in...

So thankful that Emery has all of these wonderful people to love on him! 

I sure do love my baby's daddy!! :) 
The appointment went SO well and we had a blast! We were given a CD full of 4D pictures, along with some beautiful printed ones. We were told that Emery had big thighs, was super active, that there was DEFINITELY no hiding his manhood, had hardly any hair that could potentially be blonde, and he was "so precious!" 

If you are ever wondering whether or not the trip to Vision of Life is worth the is! Worth every penny of seeing our precious little man! 

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

30 Week Check-Up

Man. Did I mention how much I am enjoying going to the doctor for check-ups every TWO weeks versus every FOUR weeks???

I love it! 

Had my 30 week appointment this morning. This particular appointment was mainly to receive my Tdap Vaccine, which includes whooping cough and tetanus in order to prevent the baby from getting sick due to both of these since he cannot have these vaccinations for a period of time after birth. In addition, we did the usual measurement, heart beat, and question/answer. 

Right before my appointment...I was pretty excited about going despite yet another impending shot :)

Jonathan took this that night after my appointment. I was still in major pain from the shot. It really hurt! 

Here is my 30 week update:
Weight gain: 20+ lbs. Steadily making the move up, but like I said, I feel the same everywhere else, just big in the belly :)   

Sleep: I have had some better, more consistent nights of sleep recently, so I've been excited about that! Still up to pee often, but easily falling right back into slumber.

GenderB-O-Y, BOY!!! 

NameEmery Anthony Edens!!! A blog post with the name explanation is still waiting in the wings....

Feeling: Felt really good the last 2 weeks prior to this check-up so thankful for that! No complaints from this mama :)  

Cravings: Still nothing. As I said before, if anything, my pregnant diet is no different than my non-pregnant diet

Health: Doing well. Every appointment I have brings good news. When my blood pressure was checked, it was low and typical; however, the nurse that I had stated it was, "faint," so for her own peace of mind, she wanted to check it again. She had me lay down, checked it, and it was right on target. I did still have to have that Tdap shot after the fact, so I'd say that's pretty good! 

Movement: Just go ahead and sign him up for some ADD prognosis - like his daddy. This boy never. stops. moving.   

I was 32 weeks yesterday (Tuesday), and my next appointment is tomorrow, Thursday, July 10 for a regular visit - heart beat and measurement. 

Praying for a continued good measure of blood pressure and just an overall good visit tomorrow with the doctor - measurement and heart rate. I feel so fortunate that the Lord has willed such a good, healthy pregnancy to us thus far. 

For the LORD is good. His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation. Psalm 100:5

Monday, June 23, 2014

28 Week Check-Up

So my 28 week appointment came and went shortly after the school year ended and my summer began. My doctor appointment was on Thursday, June 12, after we returned from our trip to the wonderful city of DC and the beautiful, old town, Alexandria, Virginia. We had a fabulous time and it was a WONDERFUL way to rest after a very busy end of year and packing my classroom up after 8 years of teaching. 

My doctor's visit required two requirements: getting my RH negative shot as well as having blood taken for my glucose test to check for gestational diabetes. I survived my shot, which was tender for about 2 seconds, and was for my glucose test was told if I received a call in 3-4 days, I would have tested above 140, meaning I had gestational diabetes. If I did not receive a phone call, I tested less than 140 and was good to go. As of this past Thursday, and since then, I have not heard anything; therefore: I PASSED MY GLUCOSE TEST!!!!!! :) Very grateful and thankful for such a good report! 

Here is my 28 week update: 

Weight gain: 18+ lbs (? lbs from 24 to 28 week appointment). I actually didn't pay attention at ALL this visit to the scale. I really am not concerned with this as I truly feel the same throughout my body with the exception that my belly is huge! Ha! I believe that I am mainly all baby and being shorter waisted, he really doesn't have anywhere to go but out. So...yeah.  

Sleep: Same ole, same ole. Sleep about an hour, then up to pee. Lay back down, fall back asleep within 5 minutes. I sleep well except that throughout the night as I am trying to consistently change from side to side, the changing is a bit stretchy and painful for my belly. Also, about twice a night I awake up with one leg in numbing, awful pain. It does subside in a few minutes though.   

GenderB-O-Y, BOY!!! 

NameEmery Anthony Edens!!! A blog post with the name explanation is still waiting in the wings....

Feeling: Continuing to feel well over all and still love being pregnant. I can definitely tell that I am in the 3rd trimester and on the downhill slope now though, because I definitely have more aches/stretching/and growing pains. I am also more uncomfortable in just about anything I wear and bending over is definitely obsolete at this point. My reflux has improved; after finally getting some Nexium that I am taking daily, the pain is nowhere near what it was. Hoping things stay that way. 

Cravings: Still nothing. If anything, my pregnant diet is no different than my non-pregnant diet

Health: Doing well. Every appointment I have brings good news. The past two appointments my blood pressure did have to be checked twice, but the second times showed my average, low BP. I personally think it was because of what was taking place at both of those appointments (not a huge fan of the doctor in general and things that come with). I also think I am what they consider an "average, typical" pregnancy. When visiting the doctor, I am always told, "Looks good!" with everything that is checked. REALLY grateful to God. 

Movement: My baby boy is CONSTANTLY on the move. I of course do not have anything to compare him to, but seriously. This kid moves CONSTANTLY, all day long - kicking, tickling, wiggling, punching, turning, flipping. He is beginning to move enough to where he can visibly be seen from the outside and when sitting next to anyone, we get quite the kick out of it (no pun intended). Even more recently than usual, he is rarely still.  

I will be 30 weeks tomorrow (Tuesday), and my next appointment is this Thursday, June 26 for my tetanus shot. We are also having our 4D visit at Vision of Life on Friday and I could not be more excited!!! I cannot wait to see sweet Emery in detail!! We have invited our parents and Jonathan's grandparents to join us.  

24 eggplant. 

My mama joined me for my 28 week appointment since I was going to be having so much needle poking going on and I couldn't have handled it without her. She also treated me to lunch afterwards at the delicious Tupelo Honey.

She is going to be the best mimi. :)  

Lunch at Tupelo Honey.

One other thing we did recently, was celebrate Jonathan's very first Father's Day. I cannot even describe the anticipation that I have in seeing him with Emery when the time comes. I do not doubt his abilities as a father for one second and I thank the Lord for the man that He continues to shape Jonathan into daily. He is the perfect leader to disciple our son. I am so, so thankful for his life and role in our home. 

Father's Day, 2014

Continuing to pray to God daily that He will continue to fully grow this blessing to good health and for a safe, healthy delivery. If you are willing, please pray as well. We are just shy of 10 weeks out - I cannot believe how fast this time is flying by!  

I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 

Monday, June 2, 2014

24 Week Check-Up

...except that as I write this, I am 26 weeks and 6 days.

I have a bad habit of getting behind, but this time of year, especially, is the worst time of year to try and keep up. 

May has been incredibly busy for the Edens and as June has just begun, it's going to be another 2 weeks before things slow down a bit. With closing out another school year, packing up 8 years of teaching to close one door only to enter into the next, trying to complete the master bedroom, and then begin the nursery to prepare for sweet Emery's arrival...the plate is full! It will all get taken care of, it always does, but as of this moment in time, I cannot see the light. You know. The one at the end of the tunnel. 

I had my last appointment on Thursday, May 15th, and it was quick and pretty generic. They took my vitals, took baby boy's vitals, quickly checked his HR with the doppler - a strong 150's - measured my belly, and spent about 1 minute chatting the usual before I was on my way. When I first arrived and they took my BP, apparently it was a little higher than usual - for me especially, 142 on top - so they had me meet with the doctor, and then took it again before leaving to make sure we didn't have to take a further step. Afterwards, the nurse took it once more, and the top was 134, so the doctor said, "All is well! See you in 4 weeks!" Whew! They seriously had me nervous and sweating bullets the entire time I was there. If one thing seems off, not even anything that should be alarming, I turn into a major worry wart. Like, I freak out now when he hasn't moved or kicked me in longer than 10 minutes. 

I know. 

There is so much more that I want to share -the overdue post of families' reactions to finding out we were preggers, the overdue post of how we came to the name Emery, baby shower fun from my kindergarten team and my class, the end of the school year, the master bedroom progression, awesome nursery finds- but I just don't have the time right now.
As soon as school gets out, updates are coming! 

In the meantime, let me take a break though, in the midst of the chaos, and give you the 24 week update: 

Weight gain: 18 lbs (4 lbs from 20 to 24 week appointment). Pretty average and pretty much on target. I still do not feel any "extra" weight or sluggishness in my body aside from the obvious, my belly. Clothes, aside from in the chest and stomach, fit pretty much the same. 

Sleep: I have really good nights, like last night, when I sleep REALLY well, and only get up about 3 times total to pee. Then I have other nights where I seriously do not sleep, at all. I am so restless, tossing and turning, and up all night. Mainly from the back pain.  

GenderB-O-Y, BOY!!! 

NameEmery Anthony Edens!!! A blog post with the name explanation is still waiting in the wings....

Feeling: Still really good! I do love being pregnant. My reflux is pretty bad, along with my back pain, but they have each become such a part of my day-to-day routine, that I just deal and move on. I am taking Zantac for the reflux and nothing for the back pain. 

Cravings: Still nothing really...but maybe as of late, sweet tea??? Weird. Prior to pregnancy, I hadn't had a sweet tea in over 8+ years, and in the last month, it's like this thing that I crave. All the time. Who am I???? So weird. 
I have found pregnancy has brought me no cravings, but if anything, to beverages. 

Health: Exercise is the same - walking maybe 1 day a week, but up teaching kindergarten tirelessly until the end. It is a true, on your feet, 7 hour/5 day a week workout, no doubt. I am also eating a decent amount of fruits, veggies, and drinking more milk than I ever have in my life, I am proud to say. We are going through it fairly quickly at the Edens' house. I am also still in the habit of eating my delicious, 2 banana homemade smoothies 3 days a week for breakfast. 

I will be 28 weeks next Tuesday, and my next appointment is Thursday, June 12 for my glucose test, as well as my Rh-negative shot because only about 15% of myself and the US population are weirdos. :

24 ear of corn. 

Until next week's appointment, I am coveting your prayers for a general good visit, but also for good results from my glucose test. I am not really worried about this; however, I do know that it's always a possibility. Also, as silly as it sounds, please pray that I am able to remain calm for my shot. I hate needles, and typically do not respond well.

I cannot tell you how much the constant love, support, encouragement, and kind words already about sweet Emery's life mean to us. Everyone is so thoughtful to always ask how I am doing, or how I am feeling, and I feel so blessed to have so many wonderful family and friends that love and care for our family so much.

If I forget to tell you, "thank you for asking," when you do, I definitely meant to say it.